Grumbling Goals: Unearthing 15 Gripes About the New Premier League

15 Reasons to be Grumpy about the New Premier League Season

A new Premier League season is upon us, and while many football fans are feeling a sense of hope and joy, there are others, like myself, who are feeling rather grumpy. In fact, I believe that English football is currently in a bad place. In the spirit of grumpiness, here are 15 reasons why I’m particularly annoyed about the new campaign.

People who refer to The Premier League as ‘The Premiership’ or ‘The Prem’

It’s been years since it was called ‘The Premiership,’ and it has never been called ‘The Prem.’ It’s rather disheartening to think that I will likely have to interact with people who still use these outdated terms during the next nine months. It’s time to move on.

People who use ‘the football’ as an unnecessary prefix

Initially, I thought it was only young men trying to appear clever who added ‘the football‘ in front of everything, like ‘the football club,’ ‘the football match,’ and ‘the football result.’ But then I heard even the experienced pundit Paul Merson do it on Soccer Saturday. I’m left puzzled by this trend, and it’s extremely annoying.

Roy Keane on Sky Sports

There’s an irony in a grumpy individual like myself criticizing another grumpy individual, but at least I’m making an effort here. Roy Keane’s presence on Sky Sports is nothing more than a portrayal of his younger self, complete with different grades of facial hair. It’s time for something fresh and insightful, Dave.

Dermot Gallagher on Sky Sports

Every Monday at 11:30 am, Dermot Gallagher graces us with his thoughts on why all the refereeing decisions from the weekend were correct, even when they clearly were not. It’s puzzling how Sue Smith and Stephen Warnock tolerate this nonsense week after week. It’s time for a change.

Richarlison in general

Richarlison’s snarl, pigeon dance, and shithousery make him the world’s worst human being. Seeing him on the pitch, especially after scoring, is enough to sour anyone’s mood. Can’t we all just agree to dislike him?

All post-match interviews with players who aren’t Michail Antonio

Post-match interviews with footballers, especially those high on adrenaline, should be interesting. Unfortunately, due to the extensive media training at the elite level, these interviews often lack substance. Thankfully, we have Michail Antonio, who consistently provides absorbing and humorous post-match commentary. Other players should learn from him.

All radio phone-in shows

Listening to radio phone-in shows and hearing the opinions of some so-called fans can be incredibly frustrating. The moment Graham from Ealing goes on a rant about sacking a manager or spouts some misguided opinion, it becomes abundantly clear that we should stop giving these morons a platform. It’s time to raise the bar.

Being reminded that the entrance to the away end at Kenilworth Road is through someone’s back garden

While it may be interesting the first few times, hearing repeatedly about the entrance to the away end at Kenilworth Road being through someone’s back garden quickly becomes tiresome. The novelty wears off, and it’s no longer a charming tidbit of information. It’s time to move on to more relevant discussions.

Being made to endure half-time entertainment

In this day and age, it’s baffling that we still have to endure half-time entertainment like watching Lee from Lincolnshire miss a penalty and lose out on some hospitality tickets. We should strive for better and more engaging half-time experiences. Let’s raise the bar and offer something truly captivating.

Fantasy football nerds

Listening to individuals obsess over their fantasy football teams and recount their successes or failures is tiresome. It’s hard to muster any interest in their tales of transferring players and predicting outcomes. Let’s focus on the real action happening on the pitch, not virtual teams.

Media agenda conspiracists

There are always those who believe that media outlets have hidden agendas and conspire against certain clubs. It’s absurd to think that major sports publications prioritize personal biases over objective reporting. It’s time to put these conspiracy theories to rest and appreciate balanced journalism.

International breaks

As much as I may disdain the Premier League, I find myself suffering from withdrawal symptoms when it goes on an international break. The alternative of watching England hammer mediocre opponents in half-empty stadiums is hardly a thrilling substitute. Bring back the Premier League and its captivating drama.

Ray Winstone trying to make gambling seem cool

Ray Winstone’s attempts to make gambling seem cool only serve to take away our hard-earned money. It’s time for him to step back and stop glorifying this risky behavior.

Peter Crouch trying to make gambling seem fun

In a similar vein, Peter Crouch’s endeavors to make gambling seem fun are equally disheartening. We don’t need to be encouraged to part with our money in pursuit of fleeting excitement. Let’s promote responsible entertainment instead.

Manchester City finishing first again

While I wish the best of luck to the team that has had their greatest season in a generation, it’s disheartening to see Manchester City continuing their winning streak. Their consistent dominance backed by immense financial resources dampens the competition. But perhaps their reign will prepare us for similar patterns in the future, like a potential Newcastle United dynasty.

Conclusion

As the new Premier League season commences, it’s natural to feel a mix of emotions. While some fans are filled with hope and excitement, others, like myself, find ourselves grumbling about various aspects of English football. However, it’s important to remember that the Premier League is still a remarkable showcase of talent and competition. Despite our gripes, let’s embrace the games, celebrate the players, and revel in the beautiful game.

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are solely those of the author, and do not reflect the views of this publication or the general Canadian public. This article is intended for entertainment purposes only.